Another Day, Not in Paradise

Written by:   Marie McCourt

I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was 7 years old. At that point, my sister had already been diabetic for 17 years - my mother knew what we were in for! I was fortunate, though, because my parents already knew how to help me, give my shots and feed me. The hardest part for me as a kid was that I was never allowed to sleep over my friends' houses. Their parents were afraid I'd "have an attack" and get sick on them. They were also untrusting of me, and assumed that I would not follow my diet while at their homes. That was very hard on me as a young girl, and as a teen. I had a lot of low self-esteem problems because of it. My mother and sister were always there telling me that it wasn't my fault... but how could I understand? As a teenager, I started to want to be "normal". I did all the wrong things; ate what I wanted, smoked cigarettes, drank. I thought I was all right even when I'd forget my insulin for a day. At the age of nineteen, I found out that I was not all right. I had been living on my own, and decided to move back home with Mom. I was working 80 hours a week, not getting much sleep, and definitely not eating right. Come to think of it, I wasn't eating at all. I would have never admitted it at the time, but I was anorexic! When I came home, I weighed barely 100 pounds, I couldn't eat, and my sugars were always 300 and above. My mother knew trouble was coming, and coming fast, yet I would not listen - after all, didn't I know my body best? One day in August of 1992, I felt too sick to go to work, and as soon as I let my body rest, my body took over. That would be the last day I would work for 3 years! My body was revolting! I was in DKA, my blood sugars were horrendous, my A1c was 13 - 15. My family doctor sent me to an Endocrinologist! They were astounded that I wasn't in the hospital already. I was so bad, and in so much pain from the starvation, dehydration, and Neuropathy that I wanted to die. Many of my past doctors would not give me pain medicine because they still felt there was a chance of being addicted. My endocrinologist knew differently! Thank God for her! My mother, fiancée and I were actually making funeral plans, gearing up for the worst. It took about 3 months for me to be able to eat normal food, and that was with pills to help me digest it. My thyroid was underactive, my eyes were blurry, and I was in a wheel chair because of pain and lack of energy. In 1993 I was slowly recovering. Still not able to do much, but I was more able to walk and eat. My A1c was at 11 and we were working on getting me into intensive therapy. By June I was able to go to the town fair and walk with my sister and her new seeing eye dog, Wanda. I was happy to be alive, so this lack of a real life was nothing compared to what I'd been through. I was still battling with anorexia and depression; I was still battling with Neuropathy pain - but the worst was yet to come. In November of 1993, my diabetic sister, Cheryl, died from a heart attack two days after Thanksgiving. Cheryl was my role model, my mentor... I can't tell you what a bad depression this put me into. For the first time since I was diagnosed with diabetes, I was alone....... It took me two years to fight through the depression. In 1995, I married my high school sweetheart who stood by me the entire time. In 1997, I was healthy enough to have a 9 lb, 3 1/2 oz, healthy little boy, Gregory! I still have many problems. I am 26 and have been disabled since I was 20. I still can not work a full time job. I have limited sight, and take medicine to keep my kidneys strong, medication to digest my food, medication for pain. But, on the brighter side; I have a beautiful son, a wonderful husband, a Mom who did NOT lose 2 daughters, a part time job, and I am an advocate for the American Diabetes Association. It would take pages and pages for me to tell this story completely. In everything I've said here, I left out the laser surgeries (many of them - one of which is a horror story in its own right); the way it felt to have old friends see me in a wheel chair at the age of 20; feeling like I had second degree burns, from Neuropathy, all over my body; the depression of not being able to do the things that a 20 year old is supposed to be able to do, and that I could do just two years before; the fear of dying too young; not always being able to be the wife my husband deserves - or the mother my son deserves; and seeing the heartbreak and fear in my mothers eyes... the tears she sheds because she fears she will lose another child to this awful disease. Correct treatment, a lot of help, and an insulin pump have made my life worth living again. I have been diabetic 19 years now and I have so much to be thankful for, and so many people to be thankful with! Diabetes is an awful disease, which affects every cell in our bodies. We can fight it, together!

 

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